


Baby THor

by VelenoDolce



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types, Thor - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Cinnamon Roll Loki, F/F, Kisses, Literally a lot of kisses, Sad Loki (Marvel), Sweet Ending, Translated work; Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-18
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-01-19 06:58:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12405357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VelenoDolce/pseuds/VelenoDolce
Summary: An enchantment reversed Thor to a five-year-old. Loki is “persuaded” to be enchanted himself, to hold off his older brother. But Loki’s mind is slowly crumbling and such a small body doesn’t help him find the stability he needs.





	1. Baby Thor and Baby Loki

Asgard’s great palace is enveloped in the nocturnal silence. Its dwellers rest cradled by the sweet blanket of dreams. Everything is at peace, nothing seems like to interrupt the quietness.

A lone figure wanders through the dimlit corridors. It’s a beautiful woman, and she’s smiling. She’s come back recently to her home town and discovered that the sweet little Prince is in chains.

Odin imprisoned him because he couldn’t tame him, he has tried to break her little Prince… and now she’s got a little revenge to take.

She enters Prince Thor’s chambers, strolls up to his bed. She looks at his sleeping form for a while before proceeding.

With a wisp of magic, she puts him under a heavy sleep, then coaxes him to drink a potion and lastly she weaves an intricate enchantment.

Phase one, completed. Now for phase two, she just has to hope for the best… she smiles, again, while she leaves the castle. Everything’s going great, now she just has to watch and hope the sweet brunet Prince doesn’t go throught self-destruction, but gives that blond muttonhead a chance.

Odin will be furious. She can’t wait to see his disconcerted face.

 

Odin can’t believe what his eyes are seeing. The guards had told him something was wrong with the Prince, but he would never have expected… this.

“Dad, dad” a five-year-old Thor comes at him screaming and grabs hold of his vest.

“You have breakfast with us? Where’s Loki?” the child is a raging hurricane, as soon as his little brother’s name has fallen from his lips he’s turned around to go search for him.

“Tell me this is not Loki’s doing…” wheezes the King to his wife, that has sauntered up to him.

“Sadly not, but that wouldn’t be the worst problem here…” Frigga smiles when her son turnes to her.

“He wants Loki. I told him one of the maids is giving him a bath, but he keeps asking for him. And you remember what happens when he doesn’t get what he wants.”

The Queen grabs one of his arms.

“I do… we have to give him a three-year old Loki… and he’ll never accept to be subjected to such an enchantment.”

Odin is downright terrified by the idea of what could happen. At that age, Thor didn’t have a sliver of control over his powers. If they don’t give him Loki, some tornadoes would wreck the place, at least.

“We have to try, even if it’s going to cost us…” Frigga hopes he won’t ask for much.

“All right, I’ll have him brought to my office. I’ll see you there in twenty minutes.”

Odin shakes his head, his wife didn’t witness the last few conversations. He doesn’t think Loki will consent. He’ll laugh on his face, that’s more likely.

 

Frigga watches the guards carry Loki to face her husband with something akin to a garbling hole in her stomach.

Her son looks thin and pale, his hair is a bird’s nest, far different from the usual composed look. She watches him keep his head held high before the King. But she understands how hard it is for him by his clenched fists.

Odin sends the guards away. Loki remains silent, he’s tired of shouting at him. He feigns hostility, but even that lie struggles to stand.

“Loki…” she calls. He looks at her, surprised. It’s been months since he last saw her, he grinds his teeth, he must not show weakness. So he nods at her, while she tries to get closer, her mind voids of words.

“Tell me Father, why am I bestowed with the honour of being in your presence?” Loki speaks to Odin.

“We’ve had an issue. We need you to-” 

The prosoner’s soft laugh interrupts him. Frigga winces, it sounds forced, spent. Loki laughs as if it’s scheduled, acts like they would expect him to.

“Loki, Thor has been enchanted…” she just wants it all to end.

“Wasn’t me” he says dryly.

“We’re not accusing you. Don’t talk to her that way.” Odin would have liked nothing more than to throw that ungrateful brat back into his cell and melt down the key.

“Then why am I here?”

“Someone turned him into a child. You have to hold him off until we find a solution.” Odin clenches his hands too. Loki sneers.

“We’ve tried to reverse the enchantment to no avail. Thor is looking for his three-year-old brother. You have to turn back too and stay with him. He doesn’t have any control on his powers yet and could cause enormous damage if he doesn’t find you.”

Odin ignores Loki’s disgusted look.

“Never.”

“Please, I beg you.” Frigga takes his arm. She wasn’t expecting such a firm denial.

Loki looks at her, and she can’t help but wince again, a little, looking into those cold eyes.

“Why should I? Will I be set free?” Loki looks back to Odin. “Will I be able to return to my chambers? To be left alone?”

He knows he has the upper hand. They’d do just about everything, for Thor.

“All right. You’ll have your chambers, but you won’t be allowed to leave the palace grounds. Or you’ll be sent back to your cell.”

Odin has to consent, he has to. Loki lifts his chained wrists. At the King’s gesture, they fall open. He smiles.

“I can’t do the enchantment myself, will you do it, my Queen?”

Calling her anything but Mother hurts, but she didn’t come for him. He waited for her, months. Then he had to draw conclusions.

“You don’t call me Mother anymore” Frigga can’t help herself.

“You are not.” Loki’s voice is hard, and he hopes she didn’t hear his heart fracturing just a little more. He closes his eyes, holds back his tears: he can’t show weakness or they’ll tear him more.

She wants to cry, but her Queen side restrains her. 

“The enchantment won’t alter your mind. If you start feeling strange, you have to tell me.”

He nods.

“You have to lie down on that sofa and drink this potion.” Frigga tries to smile, but it’s difficult. Are they doing the right thing? That’s not her Loki. What will happen to Thor?

She watches that stranger obey her words. The actual enchantment is simple: Loki is wide awake and doesn’t struggle. In a few minutes, there’s a child looking back at her. A scary, false child.

“If you hurt Thor…” Odin speaks threateningly.

“How could I? Look at me. He’s double my size. I couldn’t even if I tried. I’m a little doll now, so what am I to wear?”

Loki slids down from the sofa, clumsy in the now oversized clothing. Everything looks strange. Was he really that small when he was three? If someone tried to hurt him, he’d be easy prey.

He clenches his tiny fists, he needs to look strong, always. Head high, back straight. It won’t be so bad, he decides. Better than a damp cell anyway.

Frigga hands him a onesie and a pair of tiny shoes. He looks at them positively disgusted, then he glances at her, slightly worried. Does he have to undress there, with them watching? They’ll see his scars… 

Frigga turns around, she didn’t recall her son being so pudic. Odin isn’t even looking at him.

“Ready” huffs Loki. They managed to belittle him again, but after this he’ll be free. Nothing will keep him on Asgard this time, as soon as he is of the right size again, he’ll flee, he’ll…

A knot forms inside his little stomach. He has nowhere to go.

He just hopes everything will be over soon.

 

“Loki!” Thor jumps down from his chair as soon as he sees him. He barrels toward him and scoops him up in his arms.

Loki’s overwhelmed. His brother is immense, crushing him to the point he can’t breathe.

“Thor, be gentle. He’s small, remember?” Frigga tries to pry Loki away before Thor pulverizes him.

Touching that tiny body gives her a strange feeling.

“Loki where were you? I woke up and you weren’t there. You don’t go anywhere without me.” Thor’s gaze bores into Loki’s, holding his hands. Loki can’t do much beside nod, subdued by his brother’s impetuosity.

“Now it is lunch time.” Thor drags him to the table, but as soon as the brunet looks at the already full plate he feels a wave of nausea. He can’t eat, he can’t.

He pretends to, he pretends to be a child, he plays with his food until Frigga has his plate taken away.

 

Thor drags Loki from one game to the other all afternoon, exasperating him with all his attentions. He honestly can’t take a step without the bigger child calling, stopping or tackling him. Sometimes by crushing him down with his whole body.

He keeps telling himself it’s annoying, and still… he feels a warmth inside he has missed for so long… it hurts. Having Thor close relaxes him, the near obsession of the blond at always having him by his side manages to quiet down the ever present turmoil inside him, in a way he can’t understand.

But this, every side of this, is bringing him to the brink of a breakdown. It’s all fake. Thor is under enchantment, he’d never treat him like this otherwise. It hurts every time he looks happily at him and smiles brightly.

And if that isn’t enough, Frigga is always near, observing and laughing. Every burst of laugh is like a stab through the chest. She laughes for her son, not him. By now, she has only one son, Thor.

 

“Loki are you hungry? It’s dinnertime” Thor once again drags him to the table. Loki sighs, here we go again, is it bedtime after dinner? Loki dearly hopes so.

But no, more games. Loki just wishes for it all to end.

“Thor, why don’t you read some books? Show me how good you’ve got.” Frigga hopes  this would calm her little Thor down a little. She fears what Loki might do, he seems more strange by the minute. She watches him look at Thor with a progressively harder gaze. He scares her: what has her little babe become?  

“Loki you learn to read too?” Thor sits down on the floor with a children’s book -where had that even come from, wonders Loki- in one hand and his little brother’s wrist in the other.

“Yes, Thor, teach me.” he answers with a tight smile. Thor starts reading about a little fox that has got lost and Loki tries to look interested, but he really isn’t. He smiles and nods every time Thor looks at him and says nothing when the blond gets the occasional word wrong.

The eldest holds the smaller child close, as if he knows just how much the other needs it. 

Loki lets him, he’s comfortable this way, feeling safe for the first time after many years. He doesn’t even realize he’s falling alseep in his brother’s arms.

“Mama, Loki’s sleeping” murmurs Thor.

Frigga doesn’t know what to do. Put him to bed? It’s late, Thor’s probably sleepy too. If she wakes Loki, Thor could get angry and damage something.

She gets up and takes him in her arms, that small child that looks so delicate, so harmless.

But it’s all false, she knows, she must not be deceived again.

Thor opens the bedroom door for her, and quickly strips down.

She places Loki on the bed and starts undressing him, and then she recoils, horrified.

A series of deep gashes cross Loki’s pale little chest. She wonders who could have done such a thing to him… and when.

“Loki got booboo?” Thor is by her side, handing her a little night shirt.

“Yeah, but he’s healing fast, don’t worry. He’ll be fine tomorrow.” Frigga manages to smile at him. In fact, the gashes are already closing and healing.

Loki was locked up in his cell, and since he’s been out, he’s always been with her.

Did he inflict them himself? Why?

“Sing me a lullaby, Mama?” Thor scoots closer to Loki, grasping his arm. Even in sleep, the older chlid never lets go of his little brother.

She sighs. How much did things change with time. 


	2. A forgotten doll

Loki wakes up feeling warm, a strange sensation for him. It takes him a few moments to remember and understand.

The warmth he’s feeling comes from Thor’s body, sprawled under him. He must’ve crawled over the blond in his sleep, or maybe it was the other that pulled him there, he doesn’t know and he doesn’t want to know. Still, he’s in his brother’s arms.

Loki sighs. That’s not his brother, it’s all a lie. They’re nothing to him and he’s nothing to them. He feels tears prickilng and his eyes widen. He was going to cry for something so stupid…

He hears someone enter the bedroom and feigns sleep. Then he feels a gentle hand caressing his back. He clenches his hands, it’s all a lie.

“Loki, Thor… it’s time to wake up.” Frigga calls to them sweetly. Loki sits up quickly, sliding to his brother’s side. She smiles.

“Good morning” she tells him. Thor opens his eyes too but doesn’t move.

“Come on sleepyheads, it’s time to get up.” Frigga gently nudges the barely awake kid, while Loki rubs his eyes. To her, he looks so helpless. She tries to smile at him, but he quickly turns around and tries getting down from the bed to escape from it.

“Loki, careful, you can’t do it on your own” Thor reprimands him, and Loki almost falls on his face.

“Loki, you’re three, you can’t do grownup things.” Frigga reminds him.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right, the both of you…” Loki huffs annoyed. How long does it take for those inept magicians to find a cure? Placing a frown on his face, he heads for the bathroom. Thor immediately follows him.

Loki breathes, in, out, in, out. He must not lose his temper… but it’s difficult, with so many people constantly stressing him with their pretentious attentions. The maids believe he’s a real child with just some altered features, so he has to be subjected to their fussing beside Thor’s.

He’s feeling oppressed and he can’t keep faking his entertainment. He knows he should, but the body he’s currently stuck in doesn’t want to cooperate.

“Lokiiii” Thor crushes him on the sofa. “Love you very very very much.”

He then proceeds on placing sloppy kisses all over Loki’s face. Loki’s nauseated, he doesn’t know how to react and doesn’t remember how he reacted, and he doesn’t want to make that blond nuisance cry anyway.

“We’ll always be togheter! And when we’re grownups we’ll marry so I won’t have to share you with anyone!” Thor dragges him on his lap. 

The maids have brought them an afternoon snack. Loki just wants to scream. What if he throws a tantrum? But he can’t, the King will know about it, he’ll look like a crybaby. He huffs.

“Loki, eat the peach, you like it” Thor once again wrenches him from his thoughts, tightening his grip on him and smiling. All lies. But Thor is not pretending, is he? Loki looks at him with an unpleasant feeling in his chest.

He can’t eat anything, he feels a constant nausea. Maybe it’s the enchantment? He should talk with Frigga… A knot forms in his throat. She doesn’t care anymore. She doesn’t want him anymore.

Thor’s done with his snack and jumps down from the sofa, dragging him along as always. 

At least, when he’s with Thor he doesn’t have time to brood.

“Mommy, mommy” Thor runs into the Queen’s arms as soon as she appears later in the afternoon.

“My little love, did you behave yourself?” She hugs him with a fond smile. The blond nods eagerly.

“Yes!” He then turns toward Loki and calls to him. “Loki come to mommy. Don’t you hug her?”

His tone is innocent, but the brunet clenches his fists. He walks stiffly toward her.

“Tell mommy how much fun we had today” his brother wraps himself around him again.

“We’ve played a lot…” Loki tries to sound neutral, he just wants the day to come to an end.

“Why don’t you call her mommy? Are you sick?” 

“No, I’m alright.” Loki sighs.

“You don’t want to call me mommy?” Frigga smiles at him, but he shooks his head.

He pivots on the spot and marches to the other side of the room, plopping down on the carpet and pretending to play.

He can’t call her that. Just thinking about doing so makes his heart lurch and his eyes glisten. He believed her, and she betrayed him.

“Now it’s best you both change and go to dinner” The Queen’s voice startles him. He jumps up and runs to the bathroom. He wants to lock himself in, but the lock is too high. Everything is too high for him to reach.

It’s his stupid body’s fault if he can’t restrain his tears. He sits down in a corner and starts to cry. He doesn’t know what to do. He wants for this Hel to end.

“Loki…” Frigga has sent Thor in his rooms to change, leaving Loki alone for at least ten minutes, but she has to check up on him.

As soon as he hears her enter, Loki quickly dries his tears, he doesn’t want her seeing him in such a state. Would she be satisfied, to see him like this?

“Thor was making me sick, if I didn’t go away I was going to strangle him.” He tries to look annoyed, keeping his head low and eyes averted.

“I’m sorry, I’ll try to restrain him a bit more. But he was always like this with you when you were little. Don’t you remember it?” Frigga talks sweetly, she doesn’t know what to do. Loki seems so cold.

“I’ll endure, then.” He takes a wide berth to avoid touching her, and looks around. “Where are my clothes?”

“On the couch. Are you alright? Do you feel strange?” Frigga torments her hands, but he’s giving her the cold shoulder persistently.

“Yes. But it’ll pass. You’ll find a way to turn back that bubbly blithering idiot to his normal, adult size and I’ll be free to go.” He tries to be quick, but his hands are too small and don’t cooperate very well with the precise, swift moves he wants them to do. Everything is too difficult.

“What do you feel?” She can’t help but worry, he looks too much like her little babe. She walks closer, wanting to help him. When she kneels next to him, he startles and looks up.

“You’ve been crying…” Frigga doesn’t understand, but Loki’s eyes are puffy and red.

“It’s this stupid body.” Loki quickly lowers his head again. He clenches his fists.

“Why…” she tries to caress his shoulder.

“Stop it.” He immediately steps away. His voice is calm, toneless. “Don’t play pretend. I’m here like you ordered, your doll to dress and drag around and then throw away. You already did, in fact, but luckily I’m still usable for a while.” He focuses on the vest’s buttons.

“That’s not true…” Frigga is deeply upset by his words. How can he say she’s using him when he’s always been the one tricking and subterfuging?

“You dismissed me, when I needed you the most. Left me in that cell to rot.” Loki then realizes what he’s just said and covers his mouth with a tiny hand.

“Loki…” Frigga is at a loss. He grabs his arm, he looks at her hand and lowers his.

“I only had you and you threw me away! And now you’re making me your son’s doll” Loki is losing control and confidence. He can’t stop. He has to tell her how much she’s hurt him.

“I’m playing doll, what do you want now? For me to thank you because you’ve reminded me my happiness was a lie? Alright then, thanks! Still want me to call you mommy?”

He feels his heart break, tears beginning to flow. “Please…stop.” He frees himself from the Queen’s hand and runs away.

“Loki…” she tries to follow him, but he wiggles through the bushes surrounding the terrace and disappears.

 

“Frigga?” Odin is calling her, he finds her alone in the playroom. He walks closer and hugs her. She looks strange.

“I did something horrible…” She turns to look at him, crying.

“What happened?” He looks at her too, worried.

“Loki, he’s run- run away.” She delicately pads her cheeks with a handkerchief.

“Lokiiiii ae you ready? I’m huuuungry… Daddy! You’re dining with us?” Thor runs into the room.

“Yeah, I’m going to fetch Loki and I’ll join you. Go ahead.” Odin smiles. Thor grabs his mother’s gown.

“Don’t scold him, it was my fault.” she says, picking Thor up. Odin sighs and nods.

 

“Loki! You have to come to dinner, we had a deal! Or should I regard it as void?” Odin knows that traitor is in the bedroom somewhere even if he can’t see him.

“Come to dinner immediately. If Thor breaks something I’ll turn to you.”

“Do as you please. I don’t care.” Loki’s voice is so full of sadness that Odin is momentarily stunned. He doesn’t know what to expect now, a laugh or a tantrum.

He circles the bed and sees the diminutive trickster curled in the corner.

“Get up and come to dinner, that’s an order. Can you obey at least once without causing troubles?”

He must be up to something again. Should he kick him, or drag him to the dining chamber?

“Yeah” Loki gets to his feet, but trips and lands face first on the carpet.

“This stupid body is the one that doesn’t listen. It hates me too” he sniffles. He doesn’t want the King seeing him like this but he can’t restrain himself.

“Loki-” Odin was going to really scold him once again, but seeing the little child crying without a sound sursprises him.

“I’ll just, I wash my face and come with ya.” He gets up again slowly, tiredly. Defeated. This body is making him go crazy. Or maybe it’s what he knows he’s lost. He doesn’t know, really. He’s lost everything, even his will to fight.

 

“Lokiiii come eat! You didn’t eat in the afternoon!” Thor’s getting antsy. Frigga barely restrains him.

“Yeah Thor” Loki sighs and goes to sit on his brother’s seat intstead of his assigned one. Thor smiles and hugs him.

“Did you cry? Are you sick? Did daddy scold you?”

“My tummy hurt and I took the medicine. It’ll go away.” Loki gives him a strained smile and touches his jaw. His heart hurts. This is all wrong. He shouldn’t be there. They don’t want him. He scoots closer to Thor, who’s happy to cuddle him. He feels defeated, broken.

“I love you little brother. I’m happy you’re here.” Thor keeps smiling at him, stroking his back.

Loki hides his face in the blond’s vest and cries. He doesn’t care anymore. Let them laugh at him. Let them pick on him and poke. He just wants his sun to hold him and give him warmth, the one he misses so dearly when he’s alone. He doesn’t care if it’s fake. He doesn’t care it’s going to end soon. He’s here now, safe in Thor’s arms. He’ll protect him as long as he’s like this.

He’ll be chased away, but he doesn’t care. He keeps telling himself that, but he knows it’s not true.

He cares so damn much that every breath hurts. He’s tired, mentally. He tried to be strong, to be courageous, to fend them off and hate them deeply, hurt them. Everything has turned against him in the end. He wanted care and attention, they chased him away at last.

 

“Loki, there’s the cake you like. Loki?”

Thor’s voice sounds so far away. His body starts to tremble and shiver.

“Mommy, daddy, Loki’s sick.” The blond child states, worried, shaking the brunet gently without gaining any reaction. Frigga and Odin near them, cautious.

“He’s too warm, how is that possible?” Frigga picks him up, that little body that trembles in her arms.

 


	3. Forgive me, Lok

“I have to lift the enchantment. Maybe he’s sick because of his seidr, it’s too powerful for such a small body.” 

Frigga doesn’t know what to do. She didn’t check to see if Loki was alright. She’s just been worried about Thor, how to restore him, to make sure he’s not hurt. She almost didn’t spare a glance for the younger boy.

He was right in his refusal to call her mother, she had left him. And she did so in the worst way possible, by simply ceasing to think about him. To her, he looked confident, strong, unsensitive to anything and anyone.

She laids him on the bed. She has to lift the enchantment that keeps him as a child.

 

“I can’t.” After half an hour of vain tentatives, she’s out of breath. “Something is… blocking me.”

She gathered Loki in her arms again.

“Calm down, everything will be alright.” Odin has Thor oh his hip, who’s anxious and antsy and he’s clutching at him.

“I have to lower his temperature, he’s never been feverish before…” Frigga decides to try with simple cold water. When she strips him down, she sees fresh wounds. Again? When? Perhaps, when he ran away…

How blind she must have been.

Loki’s trembling and shivering calms down a little while he’s immersed in cold water.

“Loki…” Frigga lets out the breath she was holding when he tiredly opens his eyes a fraction. She lifts him up and he doesn’t even have the force to struggle. He just stays limp in her arms, not talking, not smirking, not pretending.

She brings him back to the bedroom, wrapped up in a fluffy towel. He looks just like a doll. She feels her eyes watering.

“Loki feels better?” Thor whispers as to not disturb his little brother. When his mother puts him down on the bed he lies next to him and gives him a little kiss on the cheek.

“I’m fine, Thor, don’t worry” Loki offers him a hand, tries to smile.

“Mommy, Daddy, stay? Loki will be better if you stay” Thor states. The parents nod.

“I just need you by my side. Hold me again” Loki’s voice is so sad that even Odin feels is heart clench.

“Of course little brother, I’m always by your side. I’ll never leave you.” Little Thor is sure of his words.

“Without my Sun, I cannot live. Everything becomes dark and cold… and I’m afraid.” By now, Loki doesn’t even try to pretend or control himself. 

Frigga touches his forehead, he’s feverish again.

“I’m here, you’re always with me when I’m sick. Now I’m here with you. I’ll stay and make sure no monster comes to take you away. I’m strong, you know.”

He holds Loki close, his little brother is so delicate.

“You’re the strongest. Protect me from the monsters, Thor. Protect me from myself.” Loki is delirious. “I love you, Thor.”

He’s so tired, but his guardian is holding him close. 

“I love you, Loki.” They both smile. Loki closes his eyes, drained. He wishes the pain would all disappear. He wishes his life would end there, at that moment. Thor is loving him, holding him, murmuring sweet nothings. He wishes to die in those arms, not yet those of the man he loves, but that wrap around him possessively. His mind surrenders, broken, and he hopes his body understands that it’s time to stop fighting, too.

“Thor, my love… don’t throw me away.” Too much pain, for too long. “Thor…”

He wheezes, delirious and feverish, shivering madly.

“Loki!” Thor is suddenly afraid. His mind is trapped inside a body too small. He saw his brother break at the dinner, but that strange magic that made him little has taken away his control over his body, that now acts of its own accord following memories of a time long past. Now there’s fear, and that body, too, is afraid. He wishes strongy, wishes he’d be able to do something. He watches, as his mother takes Loki into her arms again, he looks so small, so defenceless. He jumps from the bed, following her. His father tries to stop him, but he runs after her, after Loki. Such pain he’s seen in him today. A broken soul and desperate heart. 

Thor trembles, doesn’t even realize it. He looks as his mother once again immerses that small body. She’s afraid too, he can see it, it’s written all over her face.

“Thor… Thor…” Loki keeps calling for him, in his delirium, he just wants to feel his warmth again. Thor wants to hold him, keep him close, tell him it’ll be alright. That he’ll protect him.  _Protect me from the monsters_. How could he have allowed such a thing?  _Protect me from myself_. He’s been such a fool. He did everything wrong, wrong! That awareness hits him hard. Thor stumbles. It’s all his fault.

_You pushed me into the abyss_. He’d thought about what had happened at the bifrost. But Loki was talking about something else.

In those two days Loki had pressed against him, with an insistence he’d thought strange. And of which the brunet must not have been aware, he was sure of it. Thor dragged him around, pestered him, held him tight. But Loki gripped his hand tighter, held him more when he tried to move. And at dinner… he’d felt into his very soul the cry of the trickster god. But by what right he was to be called in such a way, when he was the one tricked the most?

Thunder makes the windows clatter. He has to do something. Loki keeps calling his name. And… he has to! But what? How can he help him? How can he beg forgiveness? He thinks back to what he told him. Hold me. Don’t leave me. Don’t throw me away. I’m scared. Protect me. And instead, he’s pushed him away. He’s left him alone, for more than a century. Thor feels his body tingle, he wants to hold Loki. He has to! He takes a step, struggling against his body, against himself. It hurts, he feels so much pain that he’s out of breath. But he has to save Loki. He grinds his teeth. Just another step, he’s almost there, he can reach for Loki. A blinding light stabs his eyes, demanding he closes them. Then, all the pain fades away. Thor is himself again.

“Loki” he takes him from his mother’s arms. He holds him close.

“Thor…” Loki is still delirious, but he wiggles a little, seems to sense his blond god’s presence. He doesn’t stop chanting his name.

“Come back to yourself, Loki. Come back to me. I swear, Loki, I’ll never leave you alone again.” Thor starts crying. What if it’s too late? If by now, Loki is lost?

“Please, Loki. I was wrong. You were right, always were right. I’m an idiot.” By now, he’s sobbing uncontrollably. But he has to reach Loki wherever he is, ha has to save his love.

Thor startles. Did he really think that?

“I love you, Loki.” He holds that little body close to his own. How could he ever have done otherwise.

“I love you…” he starts to chant too, hoping his words would reach that broken heart. He keeps chanting when Loki’s body grows and pops and there’s an adult Loki in his arms, with a flash of green light. He doesn’t stop because Loki is right there and keeps saying his name.

He’s known for a long time what he feels for that eerie creature he’s grown up with. He just refused to admit it, even to himself.

 

They remain joined for a long time. Loki keeps saying his name, Thor is out of tears. He feels his head pounding, his muscles aching. But he won’t stop telling Loki just how and how much he cares about him, even if it takes a century for him to clearly get the message.

“I love you… come on, open your eyes and make fun of me. I’ll let you do whatever you want…” Thor starts kissing his love’s face. His forehead, his temples, his eyes. Loki starts to cry and he kisses the tears away too.

“I love you. I deserved it all.” He plants small peckes on the corner of the mouth.

“I love you, Loki. It was all my fault.” He descends on the neck. “I love you. Come on, scream at me. I deserve it.”

Loki slowly realizes what Thor is telling him. He gently ghosts his fingers over his brother’s strong neck, and then that sweet touch becomes a harsh caress that leaves scratches across Thor’s throat and shoulder. But Thor doesn’t care, he keeps telling him he loves him. And kissing him. Loki’s nails leave red trails over soft skin, bring out little red droplets.

“I love you. Hurt me as much as you want. I’ll never let you go again.” Thor grits his teeth, it hurts. He holds Loki a little closer.


	4. Hurt me as much as you want. I love you!

Hurt me as much as you want. I love you!

 

 

Loki hides his face, annoyed by the light that enters from the windows.

The body under him moves a little. He’s sprawled on top of Thor, like the day before… yes, the enchantment, he remembers now. But, his mind is foggy. What happened the night before? He streches and rubbing against Thor. He’s so warm and comfortable. He yawnes, keeps his eyes closed. He wants to stay a little more inside that little soft bubble he’s woken up in.

He doesn’t want to start it all again, Another false day. Another heartbreak, in a downward spiral with no end in sight.

The sun is high: soon, they’ll call them, to get up. He feels Thor moving, hug him. But it feels strange, something is wrong -again- with their bodies. He stills, held by those strong arms, wrapped in the warmth he so loves. A sigh escapes him. Slowly, all the previous night’s facts come to him.

He screamed at the Queen. He cried against Thor’s shoulder… a tear falls. And then? Then there was Thor. Kissing his face and his neck. Telling him he loved him. Was it a dream? Thor was an adult, it must have been a dream, Thor wouldn’t hold him like this as and adult.

“Loki…”

That voice is warm, and hoarse, and adult…

“Thor…” Loki starts to shiver. It was all real? It’s unthinkable…

“I’ll never leave you alone again. I was wrong. I’m here now, I’ll make amend.” Thor tightens his embrace, kisses his shoulder, and his neck, everywhere he can reach.

“I love you, Loki” He alternates words and kisses, feels Loki’s hands stroking him and smiles. Even thought the stroking quickly turn to scratching.

“You can hurt me, my love, as much as you want.” He can’t restrain a groan when the other’s nails cut into his skin. “I won’t throw you away for it.”

Thor can smell blood in the air. “I swear to you, Loki. I’ll never leave you again.” He pulls him close, shifting a little to place a kiss on his temple. “I love you.”

He whispers sweetly into his ear, and when Loki lifts his clear eyes, Thor gets lost in them. They look so desperate.

“I love you Loki.” He says it while locking their gazes. Loki ceases his scratching campaign. Is Thor sincere? He already knows the answer, he can read it in the luminous eyes.

“I love you, Thor” he mumbles, and a new tear slids down his cheek. Thor leans in to kiss it away, but he turns his head. They kiss sweetly. Loki doesn’t want to think. He’ll be left alone. Like always, his Sun tells him he’s right there, and then leaves him in the dark.

It’ll hurt, but he’s there now. A few minutes more cradled by those arms are worth all the pain he’ll feel later.

“These days, my mind was aware of everything, even if I didn’t have control over my body.” Thor starts to talk, while Loki hides his face against his marred neck and cries silently.

“At first, I didn’t understand. I thought you were under the same enchantment. But then I realized you were… different. I was exasperating as a child, I remember it.” He smiles involuntarily.

“But you, you didn’t let me do as I pleased like you did these days, you know?” He strokes his back and shoulders.

“I was a thunderstorm, and you… you were a delicate prince. When I hugged you too much and dragged you around, you weren’t annoyed. But if I left you alone, even to just go fetch something…” Thor kisses his temple again. “You curled un in a corner and the tears came, and with them, the ice came.” Thor tries to kiss his face.

“It hurt seeing you like that, you know? You looked so sad and alone…” he gently grabs his chin to kiss his mouth. “You stopped doing that once you grew up, or so I thought.” Another sweet kiss.

“You just stopped doing it where others could see. And I selfishily thought you didn’t need me anymore.” He trails his lips over the tears.

“And one day… something happened. It tore us apart… or, probably, I let it tear me apart from you. Forgive me, Loki. I was afraid of what I could do to you.”

He knows he has to explain, and he hopes Loki will understand.

“It was such a beautiful day. I wanted to go hunting, but everyone seemed to be too busy. So I came to you, and dragged you from the palace to the stables. You probably don’t even remember…” Thor sighs. And Loki does remember. Nothing was ever the same after that day, and maybe, he’ll finally understand why exactly.

“We spent the day following trails, or at least I did, you just tagged along glaring at me. And then, we reached the shore.” Thor starts playing with Loki’s hair.

“You forced me to tag along, this time. You were still a child, and you laughed and soaked me head to toe before I could even step into the water.” Thor took a deep breath.

“We were naked. Playing, I grabbed you from behind and pressed you against a rock.” He falls silent, ashamed of his thoughts and actions.

“My body was full grown while yours was still unripe. I reacted immediately to that position, and I wanted you, a desire so strong it took my breath away. And you were under me, fragile, pure. Laughing and wriggling.” Thor’s voice fades.

“I thought, I could have done whatever I wanted to you, and you wouldn’t have been able to put up a fight.” He clenches his fists, and Loki winces a little.

“And then, a keeper came. From that day on, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I wanted to do to you. I looked at you and thought about your body pressed against mine.” Thor starts crying.

“I was selfish and cruel. I only thought about myself. I kept you at arm’s lenght. Because if you were close, I had to face my feelings. And if at the beginning I thought it was all about carnal desire, which I could obtusely blame, I soon realized it was something different… something more.”

He lowers his head to gauge Loki’s reaction so far, but his love doesn’t seem to comprehend.

“I already loved you, Loki, and I kept loving you all these years. Hurting myself, and you.” Thor feels defeated, trampled.

“I rejected you, because I couldn’t pretend not loving you. I can’t pretend I don’t want you with all the force of my entire being. Every time you were too close, I fled. It broke my heart to only be able to see you from afar. If only I knew how much pain I was causing you… No, maybe nothing would have changed. I was too much of a coward, egoist and stupid.” 

Thor’s tired.

“Hurt me, Loki. I deserve it. For everything I did to you. For every time I threw you away, hurt me, Loki. For every time you felt betrayed, and I left you alone, forgotten in the ice. Hurt me, my wondrous love, for every time I didn’t save you.”

He really wishes Loki would seriously hurt him, beat him, scream at him, draw blood. But the brunet just keeps staring at him, still as a statue.

Thor feels dread creeping up his spine. Did he make another mistake, in telling everything? They remain quiet, studying one another for who knows how long. 

Then Loki lowers his eyes, on Thor’s neck, his shoulders and torso. He places a hand on his strong chest, over his heart, feels it beating madly. Does Thor really love him? A stupid question really, after everything he’s heard. But he still asks it to himself. Hurt him… 

He wants to, has wanted to since the first time his Sun asked for it. But then Thor has repeated it over and over, and Loki feels the need to console him, forgive him. And forgive himself. He’d felt guilt and shame for being left alone but he’d never dared ask for explanations. Selfish and a coward like Thor, he’d always remained silent and prideful.

“If” he whispers “you leave me again. If you turn your back on me, going away. If you throw me away…” He lifts his gaze to look him directly in the eyes.

“I’ll tear your heart from your chest, and then I’ll do the same with mine.” That’s what he’ll do. What he sees himself doing if his Sun dares leave him again. He doesn’t want to lose him.

“And I would let you. I love you, Loki, and now that I’ve started, I’ll never stop telling you.”

Loki smiles, finally. “I love you, Thor.”

 

They spend the morning in bed. Nobody comes to disturb them, and they remain in the little bubble made of kisses, strokes and tears. Often, Loki starts crying, he still hasn’t fully realized it’s all real. When it happens, Thor smiles, while his heart bleeds. It’s his fault if Loki cries. He didn’t protect him and he made him suffer. And now, he’s trying to make him laugh for more than a few seconds, but it’s difficult. It’s as if joy and despair are indissolubly tied for the trickster god, and Thor is at a loss, he doesn’t want his love to cry any more. He kisses him, sweetly, he’s sure Loki needs sweetness right now. He struggles to keep the kiss light, even if he can feel desire start to make his blood boil. He wants more. He wants to possess that body, but not now, not like this. Not when Loki is teethering on the edge, swaying from light to darkness, back and forth.

He appeals to all of his self control to not just push him under his own, strong body.

But Loki notices immediately. “Do you want me, Thor?”

“Yes, Loki, I do. But not now. Now I want to hold you close and make you feel good.” Thor’s voice wavers just a little. “I want to care for you, not for me.”

He says it eagerly and it gains him a little, soft smile.

“Then hold me. That’s all I ask for.” Loki still feels tired and drained. His Sun embraces him and he tries to relax, sometimes he manages, sometimes he does not. Smiles and tears go hand in hand. 

But it’s still good for him. His heart heals a little more with every hug, every soft murmur, every I love you whispered after a sweet kiss.

“I’ll be alright if I can keep you close.” Loki has not fully healed yet, but he nkows that if Thor stays true to his word, things will be alright. For now, he’s content with his heart being less pained. 

Thor’s kisses are sweet to him, because the blond knows what’s best for him. His Sun quivers and struggles with desire, but he’s not forcing him. He doesn’t tell his brother he wants him too, maybe that night. For now, he wants Thor to keep sweetly kissing him, because those sweet kisses are for him. Because Thor keeps them sweet for him. Because he’s putting Loki before himself.

Loki has not fully healed yet but he will soon, because now his Sun shines just for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note:   
> This story has four chapters already written.   
> I’ll post a chap every ten comments.   
> Kidding…. u.u If I did it this way I’d never post chapter four u.u  
> Thanks for reading. Still, comments are always welcome. They tempt me to post faster >.< I’m telling you. I’ll still update at least once a week ^.^  
> See you soon  
> Veleno
> 
> Original version can be found here
> 
> Translator’s Note:  
> Hiya guys, G.L. Hollow here. As said, the story has four chapters and is already translated. The update schedule will be the same as for the original story: at least once a week.  
> *Advertisement corner* : if anyone, for some random reason, wants their works translated into Italian, or from Italian to English, you can contact me [here](%E2%80%9Cglhollow.weebly.com%E2%80%9D). I translate short works for free, and also songs, or Tumblr posts, anything. Don’t be afraid to ask, seriously. I do it for fun, to get something new to read, to keep in shape (Interpreters and Translators University fellow here) and also to get my name known.  
> You’re welcome  
> [G. L. Hollow](%E2%80%9Cglhollow.weebly.com%E2%80%9D)


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